The Best Year of Your Life – What Are You Waiting For? - By Debbie Ford

When we’re truly honest with ourselves, most of us will admit that we are waiting for “one day” when our lives will be better than they are today. We might be waiting for the perfect relationship, that big promotion, or for the day when all the bills are paid, the kids are in school and the to-do list is complete. Then, we tell ourselves, we will really be happy.

In my work as a seminar leader and life coach I have met so many people who think if only they had more success, more money, more fame, more something, that they would find happiness. But I can assure you that this is just not true! It’s a fantasy, an illusion that will trick you, if you let it, into giving up all the pleasure of the moment for some empty promise of the future. But here’s the good news: By dissecting your fantasy and identifying how you think you will feel once it’s attained, you can reclaim the power to enjoy fulfillment and peace right now.

Regardless of how much love, wealth or success we currently enjoy, most of us have at least one area of our lives in which we are longing for something more. It’s important to listen to these longings, as they often reveal our deeper desires and give us insights into the parts of ourselves and our lives that we’re yearning to develop. But if we do not have a plan of action in place to translate our desires into measurable, obtainable objectives, we most likely are living in a fantasy that can actually undermine our ability to appreciate what we have in the here and now.

Fantasies come in every flavor and are often disguised as goals. They might sound like,

“As soon as this _____________ period is over, I will diet/get in shape/ take care of myself.”
or “When my kids are old enough to take care of themselves I will be able to ______________.”
or “If only I could _____________… then this would be the best year of my life.”

It’s important to acknowledge that most of us have been trained to continually strive for the next accomplishment. However, if we deprive ourselves of happiness along the way, if we pretend that our joy exists only at our desired destination, we become caught in an endless cycle of wanting and waiting and waiting and wanting.

And as long as we are waiting for a particular outcome to occur in order to be happy, we will miss out on our right to have a life we love right now. Living in fantasy not only leaves us feeling dissatisfied and resigned, but it keeps us from taking the actions that are necessary to better our lives. If we are to successfully create the life we are longing for, we must expose our fantasy, identify how we think we will feel the day it comes true, and take actions right now that will leave us feeling that way. Let’s take this process step by step.

Exposing Your Fantasy

Take a moment to consider what “one day” fantasy continually postpones your happiness and fulfillment to some distant time in the future. Look over the following scenarios, and check any that you recognize from your own thoughts or beliefs.

I’ll be happy when I…

___make more money.
___buy a house.
___have a balanced life.
___meet my soul mate.
___finish school.
___get my life under control.
___reach my ideal body weight.
___get the recognition I deserve.
___send my children off to college.
___have a baby.
___feel understood by men.
___have more sex.
___find my true love.
___am assured of my husband’s success.
___have a fabulous new wardrobe.
___get out of debt.
___become famous.

Now read each of the statements that you checked and ask yourself, “How do I think I will feel when I fulfill this desire?” The answer to this question will reveal what you are really chasing. For example, you might think you will be happy when you finally find the perfect life partner, but I challenge you to look deeper. What are you hoping to feel once you find that person? Will you feel loved, nurtured, cared for? Secure? Validated? Complete?

If you’re longing for fame, it is most likely not the fame itself you desire, but the feeling you think the fame will give you. When you ask yourself, “How will I feel when I become wildly famous?” you will discover what you are truly seeking. Maybe it’s a feeling of worth or power, or a sense of importance or uniqueness. Whether your fantasy is to own a home or to write a book or to make a million dollars, you want to ask yourself the same question: “How do I think I will feel once my goal is attained?”

Dissecting Your Fantasy

To move beyond your fantasy and access the power to actually create the life you’ve been dreaming about, you must be willing to generate within yourself the exact feelings you’ve been chasing through your fantasy. You can do this by identifying how you will feel when your fantasy comes true, and then asking yourself, “What can I do today to feel that way?” The following is a true-life example of how this works.

Even though Lizbeth worked ten hours a day as a successful personal trainer, she constantly fantasized about living the life of a rock star. She dreamed about the day when she would walk down the red carpet and capture the attention of millions. Through the course of our work together, it became clear to Lizbeth that she was using this far-out fantasy to chase the feelings of being adored and admired. After realizing the cost of her fantasy – which had kept her from acknowledging or appreciating the great life that she already had – Lizbeth decided to stop focusing on the attention of others and to spend time each day admiring and adoring herself. Instead of wasting her time thinking about being someone she wasn’t, Lizbeth began looking for ways to express her talents as a trainer. With the intent to live her best year yet, she told friends and colleagues that she was looking for bigger opportunities in her field. Just months after committing to giving up her fantasy life and creating a life rooted in reality, Lizbeth was asked to develop and star in a Pilates video, which has unintentionally given her the attention and adoration she was seeking. Her career has taken off and she is awed by her own success. By busting her fantasy, Lizbeth unleashed to the power she needed to create an exciting, rock-star life in a profession where she shines.

When fantasy is no longer an option, when we have both feet firmly rooted in reality, we begin to discover ways to improve our lives that were previously hidden by the illusion of “one day it’s all going to work out.” By exposing and dissecting your fantasy, you can translate your deepest dreams into a rock-solid, realistic plan of action that will support you in attaining the results you desire.

I’m going to suggest that right now there are many actions that you can take to give yourself exactly what you’ve been longing for in your fantasies. And once you uncover the feeling you’ve been chasing, you can begin the extraordinary process of giving it to yourself. Then the true miracle occurs and you find that everything you’ve been looking for is right within your reach. It does not exist as some far-out fantasy but as a reality you can claim at any moment if you are willing to do the work.

About the Author

Debbie is the founder of the Ford Institute for Integrative Coaching, a personal development organization that provides professional training for individuals who are committed to leading extraordinary lives. Since its inception in 2000, she has certified over 300 coaches in her coaching model, a third of which are also trained to deliver her workshops in group settings.

A #1 New York Times best-selling author, Debbie’s books and tapes have sold more than 1,000,000 copies, are translated into twenty-six languages and used as teaching tools in universities and other institutions of learning and enlightenment worldwide.

Debbie recently released a new book titled “The Best Year of Your Life.” As part of Debbie's book launch, she is offering several valuable and exclusive gifts as an incentive to buy the book now. Go to the link below to learn more: http://www.Bestyearofyourlife.com/specialoffer